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Childhood trauma and those born with no angel
childhood trauma and those born with no angel
IT SEEMS LIKE WHEN YOU TELL PARTS OF YOUR STORY PEOPLE ASSUMES THEY NOW HAVE A HOLD ON YOU. THE TRUTH IS I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING THIS WEBSITE FOR THE PAST EIGHT YEARS NOW YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED THAT I BRUSHED AROUND THAT STORY A LOT, BUT BEFORE I COULD CALMLY TELL YOU I HAD TO MAKE SURE THE UNIVERSE APPROVES, AND IM STABLE ENOUGH IN MY DREAMS. LIFE DO NOT TRIGGERS ME ANYMORE I ACCEPT THE GOOD AND THE BAD AND KEEP MOVING ON WITH MY PURPOSES. ROMANTICISE REALITY IS FASCINATING, ON THE OTHER HAND REJECTING THE EXISTENTIAL ASPECT OF IT MAKES ONE LACK OF VIRTUE. I WENT THROUGH A LOT, BUT I WOULDN'T CHANGE IT FOR ANYTHING. TODAY AUGUST FOURTEEN IS MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN FIFTY YEARS OLD. WRITING KEEPS ME CLOSER TO HER. THATS IN THE SPIRIT THAT IM SHARING THIS EXCERPT OF MY BOOK "DOORS" WITH YOU. I THINK SHE ALREADY SHOWED ME MY HEART. I BECAME AN ABSTRACT PAINTER BECAUSE I HAD THE CHANCE TO SEE THROUGH PEOPLE AND SITUATION A BIT EARLY.
Are we really still the kids we used to be?
when she took me to the darker side of my subconscious to see my inner child everything started to make sense. I was very sad that of all places she choose that house.its like Mr Cobb memory lane. the totem was those two words: "I'm sorry". I wanted to burst out crying but she politely suggest that we should go. go where mom? I know I was dreaming based on how fast the scenes were changing in my head, sort of like the Charles Xavier telepathic power one always fantasise to have. except it was no fantasy, two worlds were about to collapse and time was going to reveal itself. I was probably ten years old, the routine of the house at that time was whoever woke up early has to make the coffee, we sometimes alternate during summer break due to the fact we were all home, however when everyone was busy its seems like it was my responsibility only. I still carry this old habit around, first thing I do in the morning when I walk to the kitchen is to find the kettle and get the boiling water started, ready to breathe the greatest poison of man kind. as I'm writing this I realised that this old habit was the original source of my heavy anxiety, which I have been mastering since then, until it was time to drop the mask and face myself. oh man that was dark such a dreadful pain.
There was so much going on at that time, I was too young to comprehend it, definitely not too young to feel it though . its weird how we can feel pain from the future, with enough power to make the past and the present so draining.
I don't think we should eternalise on the pain, should we? after all that was her dream. Mine was so lucid I heard a voice telling me that " pain is for those who don't know how to suffer". what a cold sentence! even colder than the fan drying those unconscious tears over my eyes while we are are switching characters in the dream.
In 2012, the weekend before returning back to school, I was asked to make the coffee that morning, I was sitting in the kitchen contemplating the sound of time, just like I saw my little self in the dream folding my moms clothes, boom my brain stopped for a second, when I got back to myself the pot of boiling water was on my feet because my cousin decided to play rough near it and kicked it then I got blamed for it.
That day was the first time I heavily question the existence of God. why me? I believe I developed a bad eating habit at that same time.My coping mechanism when I'm overwhelmed is to starve myself. luckily I became an artist like she dreamt it which helps me control this involuntarily reaction.
Both of my uncle and Auntie left for work shortly after , they were book sellers, hence where I fell in love with books and typewriter, they also had one in the house. Shockingly I did not receive any assistance. my feet were on fire, I couldn't stop crying, on top of it I was being bullied. I did not know what to do. Shouldn't we go to the hospital? Everything was left to me, I found a bottle of Vicks in the house I thought to myself since the after feeling is like fresh mint maybe that will help. I rubbed it on my feet and automatically the solutions attracted more fresh air to the burns, I was able to calm down and soon after my tears put me to sleep.
They got back home earlier than usual for the dinner. everyone was at the table except for me. Have you notice that I don't seat around everyone's table? of course that is why!
when I tell people I write comedy they don't believe me. in this industry I brought my own table and they still can't compete.
what if we we were wrong about sexuality all along?
This article is based on the mental (Psyche) understanding side of gender only.
I bring up this subject of conversation a little often, maybe because most of those approaches still do not fall into place, or should I say the experiment benefit a group of people much more than the concerned ones, and why am I being called a cis-woman when you clearly transforming to become ME? After watching a video of a transgender man speaking out about her regret, and her prospective de-transition, I was curious to know how many writers, psychoanalysis, parents, subjects, and even surgeons come forwards about this issue. Here's what I found: a rise in the amount of people regret taking that route,In the US alone the percentage of suicide, or suicidal thought was about fifty percent last year, which make me conclude that it is impossible to treat gender dysphoria or any dysphoria for that matter by doubling the discomfort. What if we wrong about sexuality all along? Not to sound extremist, however I believe the mind must be cured, at least brought to a stable point before any sort of interventions. And by brought to stability I do not intend modern therapy, or the emotional baggage's culture.This unconditional positive regard, flattered emotions that can only create deeper, and darker dysphoria. What I mean is a more logical sense of the human species. To think about sexuality neutrally one must be able to break down its own taboo around Sex, make peace with its personal shame not too deep to a Freudian Level, or too superficial in a prostitute aberration, but more to a conscious reality. Our sexual education starts with our parents, in most cases it is a series of unfortunate events. We do not even need a biology class to tell us that we all from a man and a woman.That some of us came out as hermaphrodite, some men are born with hormones that make them acting more feminine, and some women have hormones that make them grow beards. Clearly the prototype carries its own confusion, but overall the math is not wrong, what came out is what the genetic code had read.
IS IT ACCEPTANCE OR BAIT?
a new era in the artist lifestyle
Ater three years of developing her own concept/language, which took her six years to visualise, jennifer is now entering this beautiful garden that she has been building for herself.
Apologies in advance for the price change but you and i know its worth it:)